Normal. What is normal. Well I know I don’t normally feel like this so this is not normal. It sux. I Totaly get suicide now. It’s not about being dead ( not for everyone) it’s about stopping the thoughts the pain and sorrow. The suffering that hurts like a wrecking ball hitting you sideways. Normally I’m a mum. Im a wife sister daughter granddaughter friend and student. But at the moment I feel like I’m none of those things and nobody has any clue. It’s very lonely. That’s another thing. I want to scream out loud how I’m feeling but really who will listen. My writing is not concise. I’m no professional I’m just writing how I feel. And I feel like being at peace. Peace in my heart and peace in my mind. I won’t kill myself because I am a mum and a wife and a sister daughter granddaughter and friend. I wouldn’t want to hurt anybody but I don’t want to hurt anymore.