Life’s a Bitch

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I don’t think it means anything to anybody that I’m still alive.  If anybody fuckn knew how hard it was everyday to just fuckn survive.  Seriously i just want to fuckn leave it die.  I can’t live like this anymore.  My husband is woe is me. I have a hard life.  For fucks sake you have no idea.  Not a fuckn clue.  Not only do i have to do everything and look after the kids i have a serious fuckn problem with my head and nobody to help me.  He doesn’t get how i could just leave tomorrow.  Leave him or leave this earth.  Ughhh i just would love to end it all right now.  So distressing when nobody important in your life really gives a fuck about you. 

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3 responses »

  1. I don’t know you personally but, times likes these are tough and I wanted to let you know, yes, there is a light at the end of the path, it does get better and easier. It takes a strong woman to deal with so much on a daily basis, so hold on and see the good in what life offers you daily, even if it’s a mere smile or giggle from your kids and or loved ones.

    Also, I would like to breech something eith you. Do you know for certain that your husband and loved ones feel this way about you? Is it said out loud? The thing is, assumptions can cause a rift between two people and right now, when you need a support system, shoving them away with assumptions and threats to leave, aren’t the answers you’re seeking. Has he sat down with your therapist and was explained thoroughly what is going on with you and your illness? Has he been taught? Do you explain to him what mood swing you’re in? If you answered no to all of these, then your answer to why you feel he doesn’t care, is because he doesn’t understand and that can be scarey and stressful too. Not stating you’re not stressed, but did you ever stop to think of how others feel because you’re being so misunderstood? Think about it.

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    • Nobody knows about the DID. I haven’t been formally diagnosed and i am so confused at the moment. What it is really about is that i have held these secrets about the things i went through to even get DID for 27yrs. Silent. Anyway the last few months I’ve been telling family and friends why I’m suicidal and down and having s rough ass time. I told them my secret and it is like nobody even acknowledged it. Nobody has rung me to see how i am. How I’m going dealing with my trauma. They can see I’m crying out for help but do nothing.
      And my husband has no idea what is like to look after 2yr old twins. Do EVERYTHING around the house groceries and go to university. While feeling so shit. So scared. And most of all they don’t understand i could just not be alive if i really chose not to be but i stay cos i don’t want to fuck up my kids. But i could be doing that anyway cos I’m so crazy lately.
      Which he is telling me by the way. Your losing your mind. Your irrational. Crazy bitch. And after revealing my secrets there’s no way I’m going to be subjected to anymore shit by telling them i have DID

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