Smoking a bit of weed Totaly calms all the chatter in my head down. Totaly suppresses all the young ones. Abs the angry ones. The suicidal ones. It just helps all of us and the core. The last few nights sleep though hasn’t
been as restful. Waking up like we been up talking to each other all night. Crying. Being emotional and highly strung. It’s not a nice way to wake up. Giving my brain a rest from that tonight with a little pill. I have enough of them stashed away anyways so one won’t hurt. Hopefully it will quieten them while i sleep. Plus i have IP in 2 days so they tend to start kicking up a stink. Coming to the surface to express what they want to talk about. But then when we are there we get blocked by Bitch and she won’t let us talk. Especially to IP. And some really want to talk. We want to talk about the girl memories they keep coming up for us 2.have for weeks. And Blaze has been at the front wanting to tell her something but i don’t know what it is now. I did when he was front. God dam it. That’s what fucks me off. The memory is so bad. Expect for when I’m the one that is the one that needs to remember. Ugh.
Maybe i need a notebook for IP. Things that they want to talk to her about. Notes for her. Like boss emailing her last week because if Bitch and Blaze asked the question it would have been very snarky and got us in shit. Brooke replied but IP didn’t understand that. . Its OK. We Don’t want her to know everything about us all at once. This is so stressful. It’s been nice being high all week and not having this shit so loud in my head. I’ve been able to just stop there and be in my head. Be With them in the group. Getting to know them.