Talking

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I wish I could talk how I write. Like get it out verbally. I know we are getting better and we trusting the t and I think she understands most of us.  But low I don’t know I just can’t talk.  I’ve never been allowed to. Is it my own programming  or is someone else responsible for slut whore messages. I don’t know.  There’s more deep down and younger.  I can’t reach it.  My head hurts constantly. Bitch has been in.  I don’t know how I know.  Fuck.  This is is so confusing this life. I have emails to my T that I never sent and there is content in them that we talked about so I’m happy with that.  Gotta be I suppose  I mean when does this shit ever feel good.  Never. Talking about it,  when I do,  if I ever do will not feel good. I’m scared about that.  Totally. How the fuck do you process shit.  Especially when you know your not ready.  Your brain will explode.  But some younger parts have kept these secrets for 20 yes so want to talk about them.  Ugh. God dam there’s so much to talk about.  It’s not fair.  I want a whole fuckn day.  I want to talk my head off.

It’s not fair, when’s my turn.  I’ll never get a turn. 

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