Haha I live in a high drama world as most people do. Non stop chatter all day and it fuck it hurts. Meanwhile this is all in my head. Which I feel somebody is trying to push through hard right now. The head pain that comes and goes with it is a bitch. but if you let it happen it goes quick. Co con is so tiring and dissociating makes you feel all sorts of fuckn weird crap. I think the pain is the resistance from admission of others and as I write that I get a kick in the head. I didn’t know the association of the hallway to my system.well I did but I didn’t know it was because that is where whatever happened there happened. I do however feel said people were cause for some very bad programming. Nobody in my real life will believe me. And that’s OK. I don’t really need anybody anymore. I know I can rely on myself or take myself out. I would never take my kids out or my husband either. I have bad people in me. So many questions why people never saw either. They still don’t. There’s been so so many triggers and every bad little thing has been contained In little boxes for later retrieval. We don’t have good affect regulations though. A lot get suicidal. 10 out of the lot so far at any one time. Lock their doors. That’s what I do. I know there’s lots of little things all over the place but I don’t know how to get to them or if I want to. I feel like I’ve created a fuckn false fantasy world. It’s so sick but in turn I know they are there I just don’t know how to get to them. Anyway I just ramble on at the moment haha.
Brooke is disappointed that she won’t get time to go this week.
She totally fucked up and said she wanted her own time or some shit and fuckn said yes to apt with t all by her fuckn self. But OK sorry getting upset that I wasn’t aware of that I’ll calm down got to be good protector not persecutors no more. Fuckn mak es s me want to vomit. Ugh she can’t go and spew forth her crap and leave everybody else to pick up the pieces. Or slices as such. She read a journal on how to be a good DID therapist cos that’s her job. Inner fuckn self helper or whatever and read how she wants to talk it out but the host ain’t ready and that’s t he truth, she knows that now so it’ll be a good break from real t this week. She’s been fucking up her life for ages