Hard luck

Standard

Man when can i get a break.  Nothing i do is right.  Never had been.  I wish i could just disappear instead of be here.  I thought it would always be roses but that part of me wanted to do everything right unlike anybody in my family.  And maybe I’m over reacting and i should bring up these issues but i think if i did i would still be told I’m being hysterical or over the top or irrational.  I hardly open by mouth and Everytime i say you don’t even know what irrational is.  Fuck sake. I fuckn do everything. Nobody helps me with shit.  Except the t. It’s getting easier for all to talk to her.  She’s actually the first ever stable person in our lives who had listened to some of our shit.  Christ she deals with alot from us.  Host feels bad but not alot she can do.  It was getting very embarrassing for her going there when we act out or tell stuff. She Don’t remember shit lol.  It’s sad but she knows some things have gone on but not exactly what.  So gets real embarrassed.  Someone was going to ring the old high school t. We found a note in an old journal which is another story in itself.  We have so many stories.  It hurts my head writing this.  I think I’m the host.  I just want to disappear.  Fuck I’m switching alot alot. I Don’t Want to say it especially to her but i think there are a lot of people inside me.  Ohhh see i just switched 3 times in a minute my heads shaking.  Fuck sake. This is why i hate my life.  I would rather be dead.  Cos it Hurts my fuckn head.  Oh my god i just realised brooke has been 7 for 26yrs jeez that’s how long we’ve been here.  Fuck her husband is an asshole.  Everyone in her life is useless.  Tells her what to do but doesn’t help. Nobody gives a shit.  After everything and then telling and being sad and suicidal and shit still people Dint know how to be good friends.  Fuck people.  Fuck.  Literally disappear that is what i want.  To fucking disappear.  Can you hire people to kill you for fuck sake.  Ahhhhhhh i Just want to scream I’m so fuckn trapped. What to do.
Too much going on for one person to handle really.  I mean i didn’t ask for this.  I got mean sore shoulders I’m so stressed out. 

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