Oh I hate decisions. So bad at it cos they’re so many fuckn opinions. I would rather not be here to suffer any of the fuckn consequences of my decisions but most people and insiders don’t agree. Why can’t we just agree on one thing. I should just run away. Live rough again for a bit, but it’s too cold and well that was a lonnnnnng time ago. Fuck. So many supportive people to help haha what a joke, never has been and that’s another reason to. Fuck I should just go and fuckn do it instead of whinging and moaning about it all the time but I know it’s a big decision and one that I will not come back from. I have to know my boys will be looked after and with no will well. Dad will have them anyway but he’s not very nice to them, I don’t think life would be too happy for them. He gets grumpy too quick, that’s why I never say anything. He got angry before because of something I said so I said I just won’t talk to him any more. He was like you don’t talk to me anyway. That’s such bullshit. It confuses me because we talk about kids, he doesn’t want to know emotional shit and can’t handle it telling me to stop crying or I’m being irrational. He wouldn’t know what irrational is seriously. I’m the most obedient fuckn wife yet it’s still not fuckn enough or good enough or done right. I’m so fuckn over it. Ugh why can’t I have a voice. I’m about to go fuckn troppo in here and take the body off on a mission or somewhere, we don’t need anybody for survival. Thes a difference in needing and wanting and I don’t need anybody because I’ve always relied on myself.