Losing my support


Losing my only stable support and the first person I’ve ever trusted is going to be a rough fuckn ride.  But we’ve known for a long time that she isn’t good for all.  Is that enough to leave though.  It’s not fair on half of us.  Especially when we don’t have any other support.  Am i being childish whingy and annoying?  Yes. But come on i was never allowed to be a child.  I shouldn’t have sent that email.  I was just trying to support the little one and get heard.  She’s tried looking around for other ts but nobody gets back to her.  It’ll be hard to not have anybody but it did cause more stress than anything.  Telling stuff.  Talking parts.  Not talking.  All causes stress of some sort inside that just doesn’t feel worth it. And for one measly hr a week. Not ts fault i need a job How the fuck is someone suppose to get everything out in one hour when Theres so many of u. .  Then if you do talk a little bad stuff the fallout is shit inside and theres no outside support. I’m not going to talk trauma in one hour when i know the body and host won’t cope.  It sux but we better off with no t. I think.  Plus one time i did come out she made me leave anyway.  I got 5 mins. She said it was more like 20 but still its not enough time.  Now i don’t even want my time or the others to go.  I’m just trying to look after them.  If she can’t answer my questions about being a whore and the other questions I’ve ever asked her how is she going to help the rest. By ignoring them.  I’ve been ignored my whole fuckn life (sorry for swear) and I’m still being ignored.  My feelings my story all ignored. But she’ll reply to the other parts. Even when Bitch told for me stealing the pills she ignored her. Because it was about me.  Everybody ignores me.  That’s my life nobody to care about me.  And she is only paid to care.  I was going to pay her to.  To get what i need.  How sad how very very sad.  Paying for someone to care that doesn’t.  I’m just going to go cry now. The body Hates crying but i think i will be doing it alot in the next few weeks. 

One response »

  1. That sounds really rough. Try and go easy on yourself. You shouldn’t have to carry all the burdens alone. Can you talk to your host and gain trust so that your relationship is stronger? In my system we’re all trying to hear each other better so that we can handle stuff as a team. No one should have to carry a burden alone.

    Liked by 1 person

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