Still in Wonderland

My brain is a dissociated mess. You know the feeling where it just feels like jello. Like i know I’m here and I’m not Bitch or brooke but I’m surely dissociated.  I hate this life.  I wish to change it please for a different one.  I’m off the pot cos i know in the long run it ain’t good for me.  It helps with alot but it also hinders alot too.  It blocks the parts that need to talk to t. It blocks memories and emotions and alters.  Those are the benefits but in the long run are they benefits maybe i should ask.  Will this benefit my healing? Will this benefit my mental health.  I can not bring myself to eat lately to.  I just bring everything back up again.  To much stress.  Food is like a trigger for me.  Oh is it. I didn’t know that.  Owwwww my fuckn head hurts.  To much switching.  Might go sleep them all away. They also giving me lots of abuse memories that aren’t mine and i don’t like it. I know there all me it doesn’t make sense.