Jul30

What if you don’t like being Multiple?

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Discussing Dissociation

Don't Like Being Multiple

This week, the readers here have posted a wide variety of reactions to the idea that being multiple could have benefits.  If you haven’t yet read all the comments on that blog, please do so.  They are very interesting.

When people have DID/MPD, they have experienced life as a multiple since their childhood.  It is their norm – basically the only way of life they know.  Multiples typically have not experienced life any other way other than being multiple, even if they didn’t realize they were as split as they are.  Sure, one or two of the host personalities may not have a strong personal connection to what it’s like to be multiple, and many of them can deny the existence of the internal others to some degree, but the internal system as a whole would have been there for nearly your whole life.

And frankly, many DID’ers that…

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207 responses »

    • Oh yes i didn’t specify. I only know the English language. I learnt a little French and a little Japanese at school. Along with maori. But not fluent in any of those.

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      • Ah, yes Maori. I notice Maori had made it onto Google Translate the other day.

        NZ’s quite a long way from other countries anyway, so foreign languages are probably less important.

        Your username reminds me of how someone from the West Country (in England) would say “lovely”. A greeting in that region goes “Alright, me luverrr?” If you don’t know that accent, it’s basically how most of the hobbits in the Shire talk in the Peter Jackson films. So in my mind, you are “Luverrrrrleee”

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      • Ain’t far off, pardner.

        Do you get bored? Or are you too pre-occupied shapeshifting all the time?

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      • Hahahaha shapeshifting. Yes bored and currently my libido kicks in so I only think dirty even though i don’t mean to so bored and frustrated lol

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      • I’ve been bored all day. Still am, if I’m honest. Have to find something fun to talk about. Do you really have a husband, like a real separate person from you?

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      • Yes. What fun thing do you want to talk about then. I’m open. Murder and mayhem or robbery excites me. Get rich quick without getting caught. I don’t want to be married. That’s another story and a dumb one at that

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      • So you are or you’re not?

        Today, I was so bored I went back on Yahoo Answers. Normally, there’s fun to be had prowling the mental health and psychology sections and ripping the shit out of all the retards, but today they just ignored me for the most part.

        You know about one third of the questions are suicide related, and there’s always lots of answerers going “wait! don’t do it. life is precious bla bla bla”. I buck the trend by telling the questioner how they can kill themselves without it hurting (that’s what they usually ask) or if they’re on the edge I decide on a whim which way I’m going to push them.

        But like I said, today no-one was really playing ball.

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      • Oh hahah that sux. I know right fuckn people banging on about it. If your gonna do it do it right. If your Guna do it don’t go around fuckn telling everyone. And if you keep going on about it just do it already.

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      • Well, I don’t think most of them have any intention doing it. There’s no harm in reminding them what it actually involves. I think people get angry at the matter-of-fact way I write it (or maybe think it’s irresponsible giving ‘crazy’ people ideas), but it’s just giving them instructions they asked for.

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      • Did you want to talk about murder, then?

        I was going to put rat poison in my housemate’s cooking one day, but there were too many people living in that house and there’d be no way to get away with it.

        I scouted out some dark places (in woods, under bridges, like a troll lol) to ambush passers by but that was even more ridiculous in terms of the likelihood of getting caught. Plus I never got round to buying the baseball bat.

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      • Haha, nice try. You could flatter me too, but you know what I’m really asking for. Why would poisons get you caught?

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      • Every psychopath knows how to get away with murder. You just got to be smarter than the detectives. If you’ve thought of a plan you’ve thought of ways not to get caught.

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      • If every psychopath knows how to get away with murder, why are there so many of us behind bars?

        Come on, it’s a simple question. Why are poisons a giveaway? Either answer or admit you haven’t got to that part of the criminology 101 course yet.

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      • Hahahaha maybe i haven’t. well it depends on who the victim is in relation to how easy it is to figure out who is the murderer. There’s too many factors to consider but i wouldn’t poison anyone That’s just my personal opinion. It was a pretty general statement i suppose.

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      • Yes, you’re right. Who would you most like to kill? Or if that’s too heavy, who would you least like to survive to see 2016?

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      • I have to think about this one too. Too many people to choose from. Gotta go shopping to. So I’m off to be boring. Back in an hour. I always thought that if i did it would have to be big. Not small. So it’d have to be a real smart plan which i obviously wouldn’t share. But… hmm off to ponder

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      • OK, well I’m going to go to sleep then. I won’t be up when you get back.

        If it’s food shopping, that’s not boring. Though to be fair I don’t go very often myself, so it’s always a novelty, buying exciting foods I don’t really need 🙂 Normally find someone interesting to talk to in the aisles too.

        Thanks for sharing your insights with me today, hopefully there are many more on their way.

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      • Heaps of psychopaths aren’t in jail though cos they don’t get caught or don’t actually commit crime. I have probably committed more crimes than you.

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      • It was a sweet-arse holiday that I took at about 2 days’ notice during one of France’s many bank holidays. Tapas, cerveza, senoritas.

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      • Sounds awesome. Must be great to be in the middle of europe and just go off to some sweet as place for a break. Flights are cheap over there Yeah? I would love to travel over there

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      • Trains and coaches, mate 🙂

        I took the coach, from near Paris to Madrid. 14 hours’ fun time with noisy Spaniards and Arabs heading home, it was like a party. We crossed the border at about 2am and stopped at the first cervecería (pub) we came to and because it’s Spain they were open.

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      • A small part of me does like i wouldn’t want them seriously harmed by anybody because well children don’t deserve it. I am not in love with being a parent. It sux. And i don’t love the fuckn incessant whinging screaming fighting and all round noise and mess they bring to my life. So no i don’t love them 100% like some parents do and i don’t think I’m capable of that emotion fully anyway

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      • Why aren’t you capable? You’ve got like 10 people inside you haven’t you?

        (and you don’t have to tell me what you think I want to hear – i.e. that I don’t love children so I expect you not to)

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      • I’m not telling you what you want to hear. I never wanted kids. I did because my husband wanted to. I thought to be normal and fit in that it was what i should do. Now we all suffer the consequences. Yes some parts like the kids but as a whole no, they keep us back. I don’t know why I’m not capable i just don’t feel it.

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      • Hahahaha, to fit in!

        1. Why would you want to? People are arseholes.
        2. As if someone with DID could ever fit in anyway.

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      • I know right. It was a part of me that thought If i did what was normal right and just then life would be right. Stupid Bitch. They were stupid. If i had it my way I’d be single and no kids. Free to do what i want when i want where i want. I never wanted to get married or have kids for fuck sake. And cmon DID isn’t real is it.

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      • Well you say it is, normally. I can only assume that’s a different personality. How do you explain it, if not DID?

        Unless you’re lying to me. You’d better not be.

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      • You don’t get to do that. Do you think this is a JOKE? Or a pleasant little jolly. You’re here to entertain ME. And if you don’t I’ll just up sticks and leave you with your little friends (and your kiwi brats too).

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      • Oh so sorry about that. Not. you did say i didn’t have to say shit to please you. And how am i to entertain you. I have no idea what you want out of me to entertain you. I’m Boring anyway you told me that.

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      • No, I said your writing is boring. There is a difference! But actually it’s not you’re writing, it’s just some fucking nonsensical title on top of someone else’s shitty work.

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      • Hahahaha true. It does shit me when they come out and write crazy ass shit then i don’t even remember. I should delete the whole fucking lot.

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      • Probably. No-one reads it anyway. But keep the blog. Otherwise, I’d have no way of tormenting you.

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      • Not yet, maybe never, maybe one day. Anyway what’s happening over there.
        It’s nearly lunch here is it nearly midnight there. I’m doing the fuckn dishes. Wish i could throw them all out the Window and fuck off but yeah right. Live off paper plates. Are you still boarding with the lady and daughter or have you moved on.

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      • Yes you are. You’re a toy.

        Well, you can. Who’s to stop you, your dickhead husband? Tell him to do the fucking dishes or you’ll throw them out the window.

        I’ve moved on from them. Borrrrringgg. And nagging.

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      • Hahahaha i love it. Keep going. I don’t see what’s wrong with cutting.
        I’m a little submissive i realised. I put up with his shit most of the time. I wish he would fuck himself or someone else but he wants me.

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      • Cutting can kill people, but since those people are worthless, I’m doing everyone else a favour by egging them on.

        Yes, that’s why you’re a toy. Submissive idiot. You’ll just let me call you an idiot, little bitch.

        You can still tell him to go fuck whoever, unless he’s in control of your voice. He’s not, is he? Go smash one of your clean plates over his head, and show him who’s in charge 🙂

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      • I can’t stop you calling me anything asshole you are there I’m here I’m not Totaly stupid. He is in a way Yes that’s why i said I’m submissive in a way. Not all of me but some so fuck whatever

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      • Sorry freakn toddlers took my phone and planted it down the side of the couch on silent. No not a complete asshole but maybe that’s what you want me to think and i don’t really know you much to comment on that yet.

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      • I actually haven’t seen frogs legs at all. But yes, I eat the local food. It’s delicious. Yesterday, I had rabbit stew for lunch, veal for dinner, today I’m not so sure. Maybe just a sandwich or a salad. But, you know, they still have fast food and international cuisine (including some really good Moroccan and Lebanese restaurants).

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      • A bit of local fare? 🙂 My abiding memory of food in NZ is of enormous mussels and brilliant steak.

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      • In fact, I can save you the bother. Yes, I am an asshole, and a big one too. Not a complete asshole because I know about manners, charm and morality even when I don’t use them, but an asshole nonetheless. I would step over your body while you were dying if there was something I wanted. I can’t be relied on to continue to be nice to you, I certainly can’t be relied on not to manipulate you. Whether that’s to help or harm you, only I will know for sure. But since you are my possession, I can be relied on to look out for you. You only have to ask if you have a problem, and I will deliver (except by giving you money or smuggling goods or people across international borders).

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      • Thanks for the honesty is so refreshing. I’m not after money or anything to be smuggled not at this stage.
        I’d love to make a fresh mozzarella pizza with basil in the traditional ovens that they have. Like real mozzarella not like processed shit. And i don’t think I’d try frog legs

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      • Refreshing as opposed to my normal self, or in contrast to other people?

        Again, that’s Italy you’re thinking of! Although, pizza is as popular here as anywhere else. “Pizza au feu de bois” is the term for pizza from the special ovens, roasted in a charcoal fire.

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      • Other people.
        Oh Italy Yes i suppose i am. Isn’t the mozzarella made in France though. I think i watched a French cooking show where they made that freshly then put it on a pizza straight away. Wasn’t as stringy looking though. Snails oh Yuck

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      • ‘Real’ mozzarella di bufala can only be made in Italy. Lots of other countries make mozzarella, which is almost the same thing but not exact. So it is entirely possible they did make it in France on that cooking show. And it would still be delish.

        Lol, you must have some massive liars in your life if a random internet psycho seems refreshingly honest.

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      • No. most people on the net lie about themselves. Make themselves out to be what they are not. I don’t feel like i have to lie and make things up. It’s nice to find somebody else who doesn’t pretend either and will tell me exactly what they are thinking

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      • I still think you could be lying. But I’m coming round to believing you, mainly because I know your blog doesn’t get enough hits to warrant lying about it.

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      • Haha yeah the blog was never about getting people to read it or hits. It was someones idea of expression. I hate it that these things come out when I’m not around. I hate it that they take control and do shit. I hate the stuff they email my t. I don’t need people to believe me. I would rather people in my physical life didn’t know and this is one way of letting them out without everybody knowing where there shit comes from. Me. Fuck i make no sense. Anyway i hate it and wish it wasn’t what it is. My stupid dissociated brain. Some ways dissociating is a gift other ways it is not. Like i Dont feel pain much. Have a high threshold because i switch off that part of my brain and another part comes to take the pain.

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      • It is lunch right? Go to a restaurant if you aren’t on a student budget. Are you on a scholarship or you have to pay big time. And are you on a student visa or French passport or overseas student visa or something. What’s the deal with all that. I know if international students come here to uni they pay TRIPLE. Crazy eh

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      • Fucking hell, what gives you the right to know any of that?

        Set menus in restaurants are cheap, 12€ lunch, 18€ dinner. You can do the $ conversion yourself 🙂

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      • Alright, I’m here on my Martian passport. Legal alien. I’ve got an EU-wide work permit, which doesn’t give me any right to welfare or extra money, but since I only need to sleep once every ten years and normally only eat humans I find in the street, I save a ton on housing and food expenses. I have to leave the planet by the end of the year for at least six months, otherwise I will be deported and barred from re-entering your atmosphere.

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      • Even studying in our own country we aren’t entitled to fuck all welfare. If our parents earn a certain amount we aren’t entitled till we are 25.

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      • Too right, you should do your fair share of slave labour before getting anything out of society. Don’t you know elderly rich people need their pensions and kidney dialyses? I say minimum ten years down the pits, twenty if your skin is a different colour.

        Or join the (seemingly) millions of Aussies and Kiwis that have moved to the UK.

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      • We don’t get benefits if we moved there do we? I will stay here, i like it. I wil travel though for fun. Not to move Unless i dump everything which would be awesome! Night have a great day

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      • I didn’t think there would be. Even if i had an English passport there’s no benefits country to country eh. In nz though an aussie can come here and get on the dole but if nz go to oz we have a 2yr stand down. It’s total crap. We shouldn’t be paying for them. i watched on tv how the Russians and that go to England and can get benefits. And work illegally. That’s bullshit ain’t it. Have a great day

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      • Nah, there are no poor Russians in the UK. Just megarich moguls (former KGB / high ranking Soviets turned super capitalists) buying up all the decent property in London, pricing out anyone who (1) is British (2) is a Londoner born and bred regardless of ethnicity (3) isn’t a millionaire.

        The government has cracked down big time on illegal immigrants and rightly so, but they definitely do a lot less damage than the super-rich Russians, Chinese, Arabs and – yes – British who seem to want to turn the UK into their own private playground and fuck the rest of society. Does the government do anything about those guys? Does it fuck.

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      • Yes 🙂 If Scotland had voted for independence and had actually been a success, it would only be a matter of the rest of the UK voted to secede from Westminster,

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      • The men in the flat opposite me are smoking in their underpants with the lights on. Earlier one of them was rubbing some sort of lotion into the other’s back. Fancy drawing lots for whether they’ll fuck or not? I think there’s three of them so could get interesting.

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      • I just looked and the light is off curtains drawn. I can still hear them talking though, wonder when they’ll get down to it.

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      • Has nobody written a post about how much we hate the kids? I’m sure i would have. Every morning i wake up im muttering fuckn assholes ruined my life. My husband doesn’t get it.

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      • Well, you know, I don’t read most of what you write. It’s boring. So they might have, but I wouldn’t know.

        I’m more interested in talking to you directly.

        I actually have a soft spot for kids in general, but i don’t want my own, running around the place, getting in my way.

        If you deprive the little bastards of love long enough, you might make your very own psychopaths (or would that be sociopaths?). Just add water!

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