Trigger warning.
Oh no.  I been many dissociated parts today but it’s new to her that someone is 4. I’m 4 I’m 4 I’m 4 when they asked us about when we might have started to be sexual. Or about abuse but we can’t handle those words.  We weren’t sexually abused.   They didn’t know but i had switched a few times.  They had alot of history questions which triggers different parts because it was them that lived it.  But the 4yr old part cried and oh i don’t like crying.  But we got many memories leaking and hurting.  The somatic stuff is worse. My headaches are worser. And oh no i just now remember alot of switching.  It’s so hard because i feel scared and sad and alone.  Nobody understands when we try talk.  They Dint get it.  Been told nobody can help us.   But told to do this and that.  Yet they don’t know if it’s safe.  Is very very scary for her because she doesn’t remember for a start. She can’t control us and when we come out.  Oh shit i just remembered being triggered out and i don’t remember what i said but remember being out.  I think it was parks.  Yeah parks.  And there was lots of other triggers.  Shit. I Don’t think we safe is not Guna be safe to talk.  I’m scared if it’s causing this much grief right now imagine having more time to talk.  It might not be good.  Too much sexual stuff to talk about it hurts my head so much.  So many headaches.  Even though they not really headaches.  It’s so hard to describe. Does anybody understand. Ohhhhhhhh. I just want to Die it sux that i can’t. Not fair nobody cares nobody understands.  I Dint think t does either. She said phew about the meeting probably that she didn’t have to go or expected to do anything. And then in an email she said ‘appreciate the help with this case’ being referred to as a case i know i might be a basket case but i thought i was a human being.   It hurts my feelings.  It’s not fair.  I don’t feel connected to anyone. Nobody.  Just to abuse and pain and sad that’s all  I’m connected to.  Sorry i just so sad that we have nobody.  Brooke 7


26 responses »

  1. I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now, Brooke. You are important and you exist for so much more than abuse or pain. You are lovable and worthy of being taken care of. Hang in there xo

    Liked by 1 person

      • We are but that was mean to say that about a kid. i wouldn’t expect anything less from you though. I am wary about my posts now cos i know she talks to you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, I didn’t know Brooke was a kid. Maybe you told me but I forgot. If I’ve been talking to her, does that make me a pervert? I never know who I’m addressing when I comment on this blog.


      • No it doesn’t make you a pervert. I can write my name when i reply to you if i know that helps. Mostly Bitch has been talking to you lately.


      • Relatively high. She definitely has psycopathic traits. Hurts people to get what she wants. Don’t care about anybody at all. Everybody is a nuisance to her.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Cool. It’ll mainly be her talking to you probably because that’s what happens. You bring her out in me. It’s a trigger. Just like sexy old men are a trigger for Bailey and parks are Brookes. Who is 7. Anyway i know you Don’t care about that shit so whatever 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • No. Fuckn sometimes the amnesia between us comes down and we all get a snippet of different things. The other day brooke was triggered out but then somebody else at the same time. Now sometimes a couple can be present at the front at the same time. It’s Totaly fucked up. And they fuckn give me headaches all the time its such a Cunt. With memories. So that is how i figure who is who. Brooke heard someone thinking I’m 4. I also get a crushed chest and earache remember fire and big scratchy hairy men when she shows up. Now when I’m in front my scar itches i realised. Now that little Cunt better not cut out my name and change it to hers. I seen her looking at it thinking that this morning. When I’m here i mainly experience rage i enjoy my time here


      • Varnish and paint stink so bad. I just had the best scrambled eggs ever, so I am fucking super. Shame you changed your ID to “luvlee”, I preferred the other one.


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