Struggling

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I hate this i Totaly hate it.  Struggling everyday to stay present and grounded is soooo hard. I know that i switch but i don’t know what i do i can’t remember 100% for that time.  In the moment i have revelations of who it might be but then another switch and gone again.  Memory gone. I don’t know if anybody gets how fuckn distressing this is. Like nobody knows how to help me with these parts.  And If t does she ain’t fuckn telling me.  I Don’t think.  I decided to quit t because it’s too hard and I’m not getting any better or anything out of it except hurt and Confused. More pain more headaches more nothing.  I want answers i want solutions.  Not…. how does that make you feel?  She has to ask how can she show that she cares.  Like wtf you have to ask.  I’m the one here for help. I need help. i need help before i Totaly fuckn give up and nobody has a chance at living. I need help before i hurt someone i shouldn’t.  I need help before I completely go insane but there isn’t any.  Why did i bother? why have i kept bothering  to go when i know she doesn’t care?  I’m just another case fuckn headcase at that. Nobody gets how hard it is to have so many take time that i need. Everything is taken away from me.  My choices my rights by my own fuckn self. God just fuckn self combust would you. 

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7 responses »

  1. I don’t want you to be like this because it actually makes me sad to hear about others pain. I know how it feels like to struggle and hate myself for things and it might take awhile to get over it. I don’t want you to hate yourself. I know i’m not an expert at giving out good advice.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry you’re struggling right now and that T doesn’t feel helpful or productive. I know how hard it can be to lose time or memory or just feel off and dissociative. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry you are in such a dark and difficult place right now. And I’m especially sorry you aren’t getting your needs met from therapy. I have been to a lot of therapists (um, eight I think?) and I would say three were really good, including the one I work with now. And even with good therapists, I have sometimes felt stuck. Please don’t give up on yourself. You’ll find your way with this therapist, or a different one. It won’t always be this hard. Hold on for now and try to have faith that you will get better. It’s not fast but it is possible. And you deserve it. Love, Q.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I Dint feel like i deserve it. Even the time with her i don’t deserve. I’ve had a few too. Never been able to open up. I’m just so fucked up right now but nobody in my real physical life would know. Xo

      Like

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