Fuckn over everything. Wish i could just die and maybe wake up different. Or just not wake up at all. I can’t even talk to t cos of fuckn ethics and the law. Can’t mention those feelings even though it’s like never stop with those feelings. I was Guna say it i was angry and i was like i just wanna fukn k… myself and then stopped myself dead in my tracks. I know if i say too much i cab get chucked in hospital. Some could If they wanted cos i sound so fuckn insane. Totally got parts that are suicidal and shit ugh im too tired to explain anymore I’m so fuckn over it that’s all. Life. Everything.
******* TRIGGER WARNING****** ******* SRA. CULT MENTION******
Where to start. My head is so so far gone right now. It’s been a hell 6 months or so. Totally fuckn insane i don’t think any of you would believe me. Well i think I’m Guna tell even if i do have people who know who i am in real life reading this. I hope i don’t but here goes. …. The DID turned out to be there forever. Found writing in 15 yr old journal from others. So during the time i was going crazy and querying why my alters were so clear and defined some of them did certain things and found certain things fascinating or did habitual things. Another part researched those things and found that they matched with a certain type of trauma. It was pretty woah for me. So there had been many fights here many headaches too much switching so so many more alters and programs in my brain revealed. I traced back through family that i was born into something that is not really talked about and is intended to cause conspiracy theories but it is true it is real and these people were insane. My grandparents. I’m very sure that the trauma and the memories and the satanic bloodline all point to them but what happened to my brain by the mind control splintered off any bad memories i have of them. Anyway when i started writing this post i didn’t know how much i would reveal and well there is so so so so much more but i do need to be wary of safety and how much i say. I’ve been literally toooo scared to write for months now friends that’s why i have been so quiet. I don’t know where is safe anymore. I have to be very protective and worry about what these people have planned for me or for end times. The NWO. ILLUMINATI. Are all real and prophecies are happening.
I also no longer have my children and my husband couldn’t deal with my parts anymore which he hardly had to anyway it’s just cos we stopped obeying him and stopped having sex when he told us to.
Just coping with dissociation identity disorder in a year is enough without learning all the witchcraft religious ritualistic bullshit. (There are other blogs i did that might reveal what i was looking for) ESPECIALLY when there’s fuck all help for DID not many people know how to treat programming that gets layered in by some cult type people. It is amazing how they operate though and how the signs and everything have always been that they here in this world and operate under the guise of Christianity.