Been a while


******* TRIGGER WARNING******   ******* SRA. CULT MENTION******

Where to start.  My head is so so far gone right now.  It’s been a hell 6 months or so.  Totally fuckn insane i don’t think any of you would believe me.  Well i think I’m Guna tell even if i do have people who know who i am in real life reading this.  I hope i don’t but here goes. ….   The DID turned out to be there forever. Found writing in 15 yr old journal from others. So during the time i was going crazy and querying why my alters were so clear and defined some of them did certain things and found certain things fascinating or did habitual things. Another part researched those things and found that they matched with a certain type of trauma.  It was pretty woah for me.  So there had been many fights here many headaches too much switching so so many more alters and programs in my brain revealed.  I traced back through family that i was born into something that is not really talked about and is intended to cause conspiracy theories but it is true it is real and these people were insane.  My grandparents.  I’m very sure that the trauma and the memories and the satanic bloodline all point to them but what happened to my brain by the mind control splintered off any bad memories i have of them.  Anyway when i started writing this post i didn’t know how much i would reveal and well there is so so so so much more but i do need to be wary of safety and how much i say. I’ve been literally toooo scared to write for months now friends that’s why i have been so quiet.  I don’t know where is safe anymore. I have to be very protective and worry about what these people have planned for me or for end times.  The NWO. ILLUMINATI. Are all real and prophecies are happening.
I also no longer have my children and my husband couldn’t deal with my parts anymore which he hardly had to anyway it’s just cos we stopped obeying him and stopped having sex when he told us to. 
Just coping with dissociation identity disorder in a year  is enough without learning all the witchcraft religious  ritualistic bullshit. (There are other blogs i did that might reveal what i was looking for) ESPECIALLY when there’s fuck all help for DID not many people know how to treat programming that gets layered in by some cult type people. It is amazing how they operate though and how the signs and everything have always been that they here in this world and operate under the guise of Christianity. 

10 responses »

  1. DID is so poorly understood in our mental health care system and very few people know how to approach it. Often times, personality shifts get diagnosed as bipolar, with some personalities exhibiting manic behaviors, as others exhibit major depressive behaviors. My ex spent the better part of 2 yrs in in-patient care over a 5-6 year period. She has seen dozens of psychiatrists and psychologists and she has YET to be formerly diagnosed with DID and, given her need to downplay her symptoms in her new life, I doubt she ever will. Now, I’m fairly certain my daughter has the disorder, but unless the person is willing to explicitly state that they have known alters, there’s almost no chance she’ll ever get a proper diagnosis, let alone proper treatment. It’s shameful how bad the system is, and I say that with a master’s in psychology:-( Stay strong, my friend!


    • Oh yeah its really bad eh. Wow masters in psych that’s awesome. I started studying before the DID and everything came out last year. It’s been hard but I want to finish my degree then do my Masters. But with everything now changing i don’t know what will happen to me. Would your daughter have it from watching and the generational aspect of dissociation not trauma. If so there will be less alters and you will know how to work with them. I’ve got these books that are helping. Color to heal. Ellen lacter. Coping skills for trauma related dissociation. Suzette boon. And waiting to get the books that have to do with R.A and mind control. I’m lucky i have structured DID in a way. I am able to take all the pain and suffering away of my parts most of the time with others doing their job.

      Liked by 1 person

      • The ex has several alters, with most being younger. For years she told me it was due to brutal sexual abuse from her biological father, but, after our separation, she has retracted that (she’s friends with the monster) and is downplaying all of her mental health issues. She’s living a lie, but there’s not much I can do about it:-(

        As for my daughter: She’s dealt with some trauma of late, but nothing near on the level of her mother. She has some documented stuff with psychosis, such as believing people can “read her mind” and having imaginary friends that she believes really exists. She’s also stated that she has 5 distinct personalities in her head, but no one has followed up on it and I’m powerless to intervene. Initially, I did the same thing most psychs do by thinking it was bipolar (she seemed to have wild mood swings indicative of the disorder….who woulda thought they were alters?). It’s all a mess:-(

        Thanks for the resources, btw. The ex was fond of a book called, “My Fractured Mind”, by Robert Oxnam.

        BTW, the ex is also good at voluntarily switching alters as the situation dictates. In fact, I think she exists, predominantly, in her 16-17 yr old personality (Marie, I think she calls her, or Missy, I get them confused:-)….it’s the sociopath of the bunch and it’s capable of segmenting her mind to abate the obvious fears and guilt she should be experiencing.

        Stick with the education and, if you can, try to focus on a more neurobiological tract, as I firmly believe that DID, and most other severe disorders, are rooted in biology. I did a lot of research on that and, in particular, how it related to PTSD.

        Take care of yourself /hug.

        Liked by 1 person

      • There will be parts of her that hate him and know what he did they just got lost in under missy being a controlling bitch.
        As for the daughter they might not be dissociated parts but took on the persona of others because of her mother’s behavior maybe. DID starts before 5 or 6 as you would know. I will keep going to uni. It is the ptsd that is a killer. Thanks

        Liked by 1 person

    • Oh i just found your blog. You got to deal with it from that side of things the sociopathic crazy woman. Sorry for the shit that must come with everything and DID. I read a few of your posts last year. Nice to put 2 and 2 together. I don’t like whisky much but a drink would be good right now. One of those days again. Hope yours ain’t too bad.

      Liked by 1 person

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