Old times

Standard

Ha  haven’t  written  in  ages  but  finding the  blog again  is maybe a  good thing.  Got so much to say  to get off  my mind and put it out forever.  I’m overwhelmed with feeling of  sadness and despair because i won’t  see my t  for  20days  oh my gosh  20 days. In the old days  (3yrs ago) when i dissociated so much and it was the parts of me in therapy  and i was  lost on the inside this is how it felt.  Not having someone to talk to.  Not having a  sounding board to expose my craziness that is swirling I  my mind.  God has  healed  a  crap load  but  now  I’m  not dissociating  i have  to  deal with how things are really…. It’s hard to  accept.  It’s easier to deny that the  ritual stuff and murders and  programming  and  accept it was  all made up  and a lie.   But  then  haha  D   said the  other  day  i would have  to be really insane  to make  this shit up.   And i agree.  Ugh so does my t  (therapist) hate the word cos it’s  created to trigger  survivors the  rapist  and  psycho the rapist        like you  would ever  want their help with  those  titles  right. Especially if you SRA mind control to know this.

So much different feelings that i don’t know how to  feel or  if i am  feeling right. No wonder I’ve  always hated  feeling

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