Ha haven’t written in ages but finding the blog again is maybe a good thing. Got so much to say to get off my mind and put it out forever. I’m overwhelmed with feeling of sadness and despair because i won’t see my t for 20days oh my gosh 20 days. In the old days (3yrs ago) when i dissociated so much and it was the parts of me in therapy and i was lost on the inside this is how it felt. Not having someone to talk to. Not having a sounding board to expose my craziness that is swirling I my mind. God has healed a crap load but now I’m not dissociating i have to deal with how things are really…. It’s hard to accept. It’s easier to deny that the ritual stuff and murders and programming and accept it was all made up and a lie. But then haha D said the other day i would have to be really insane to make this shit up. And i agree. Ugh so does my t (therapist) hate the word cos it’s created to trigger survivors the rapist and psycho the rapist like you would ever want their help with those titles right. Especially if you SRA mind control to know this.
So much different feelings that i don’t know how to feel or if i am feeling right. No wonder I’ve always hated feeling