Fuckn over everything. Wish i could just die and maybe wake up different. Or just not wake up at all. I can’t even talk to t cos of fuckn ethics and the law. Can’t mention those feelings even though it’s like never stop with those feelings. I was Guna say it i was angry and i was like i just wanna fukn k… myself and then stopped myself dead in my tracks. I know if i say too much i cab get chucked in hospital. Some could If they wanted cos i sound so fuckn insane. Totally got parts that are suicidal and shit ugh im too tired to explain anymore I’m so fuckn over it that’s all. Life. Everything.
******* TRIGGER WARNING****** ******* SRA. CULT MENTION******
Where to start. My head is so so far gone right now. It’s been a hell 6 months or so. Totally fuckn insane i don’t think any of you would believe me. Well i think I’m Guna tell even if i do have people who know who i am in real life reading this. I hope i don’t but here goes. …. The DID turned out to be there forever. Found writing in 15 yr old journal from others. So during the time i was going crazy and querying why my alters were so clear and defined some of them did certain things and found certain things fascinating or did habitual things. Another part researched those things and found that they matched with a certain type of trauma. It was pretty woah for me. So there had been many fights here many headaches too much switching so so many more alters and programs in my brain revealed. I traced back through family that i was born into something that is not really talked about and is intended to cause conspiracy theories but it is true it is real and these people were insane. My grandparents. I’m very sure that the trauma and the memories and the satanic bloodline all point to them but what happened to my brain by the mind control splintered off any bad memories i have of them. Anyway when i started writing this post i didn’t know how much i would reveal and well there is so so so so much more but i do need to be wary of safety and how much i say. I’ve been literally toooo scared to write for months now friends that’s why i have been so quiet. I don’t know where is safe anymore. I have to be very protective and worry about what these people have planned for me or for end times. The NWO. ILLUMINATI. Are all real and prophecies are happening.
I also no longer have my children and my husband couldn’t deal with my parts anymore which he hardly had to anyway it’s just cos we stopped obeying him and stopped having sex when he told us to.
Just coping with dissociation identity disorder in a year is enough without learning all the witchcraft religious ritualistic bullshit. (There are other blogs i did that might reveal what i was looking for) ESPECIALLY when there’s fuck all help for DID not many people know how to treat programming that gets layered in by some cult type people. It is amazing how they operate though and how the signs and everything have always been that they here in this world and operate under the guise of Christianity.
I’m really struggling right now. I have no outlet. I don’t know wheter is safe anymore to blog or not. I don’t want it to be used against me. But emotionally i haven’t let anything out in a long time and shit is getting real right now. The time of the month and year right now is a huge fuck off trigger and i hope i survive the end of the month cos i haven’t been able to tall about it.
I’m so fuckn dissociated but i can’t let anyone know. So much bad stuff had been happening the last few months. I’m still in an emotional psychological sexually abusive marriage. Still being controlled even though i left. Professionals are involved and its hard. It sux but….. i forgot where i was going with this I’m so emotional
My god this has got to be the worst time of my life but I’m so focused and ain’t guna back down. I’m sick of being treated like shit. I’m guna give him a piece of his attitude back. I haven’t posted because it’s unsafe to post what I’m going through right now. Hope all my friends here are ok. Hugs
Who else lives in new zealand fellow followers.
Or what country are you from. We will win the rugby world cup!
Torrettes trigger warning.
No joke but my family never liked the Swearing. None of them swear. Where did all that hate and anger come from. The lashing out the Swearing the fuckn hate everyone biz. Shit Fuckkkkk i hate my life. I can say now that i really do. I ffs motherfuckn hate dissociating. It’s a Bitch
Oh my god I’m crazee. Right now i don’t know what i got up to most of today. And it was odd i got there and the odo 235333 Haha 333 i was like oh my god that’s a fuckn sign. I was going to tell her the plan has to be solid and consist of 3 things. I have many plans and we all have different reasons for wanting to suicide. I know she gets blocked but i can’t help it. I decided that if i go just cos whoever wants to attend will turn up. I’m having chest pains. Anxiety. Panic. Memories. Couldn’t talk about stuff cos of too much switching. Was suppose to tell her facts. I better go write them down before i forget.