I’m hosting at the moment.  Yeah i figuring this shit out bitches and it fuckn hurts my head but I’m doing it. Not so dumb after all eh. It’s really busy so i took over to have a break out but the others want me to go back in. I’m the fun one though that’s why fuckers.  Let’s get high and waste everyone. 

I know now I been main front and present for weeks now. since the day before mum, and I remember being present at I.p’s cos I didn’t talk to her. Didn’t want to. That’s why I didn’t want I.p meeting her cos she would get on with her and agree with whatever shit mum has to say. Everyone always liked my mum and never knew why I didn’t always get on with her. They didn’t have to fuckn live with them. I’m the cutter and the pot smoker so no wonder I been feeling like this. Ugh my life is chaos right now. I don’t want to fuck the kids lives. Even though I am more fun mum when I’m me. And by the way coffee tastes like shit. Need like more sugar like when I was physically this age like yeah.

Wow so this is in the afternoon now so sort of an update: i didn’t think Bailey had any trauma memories but it seems she does and that’s why the shower is significant in a way but was never like this before. And she fuckn stayed out and talked to the boys while they were in the bath. She’s got a fuckn accent and i remember her now. Bloody hell. This is weird. I am so weird. And the husband was standing right behind her when she spoke and then i spoke and said where the fuck did that accent come from. The husband heard everything. Ooops. Now i feel sick.

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