Oct22

Struggling

Posted on October 22, 2015 by Phoenix system

I’m really struggling right now. I have no outlet. I don’t know wheter is safe anymore to blog or not. I don’t want it to be used against me. But emotionally i haven’t let anything out in a long time and shit is getting real right now. The time of the month and year right now is a huge fuck off trigger and i hope i survive the end of the month cos i haven’t been able to tall about it.
I’m so fuckn dissociated but i can’t let anyone know. So much bad stuff had been happening the last few months. I’m still in an emotional psychological sexually abusive marriage. Still being controlled even though i left. Professionals are involved and its hard. It sux but….. i forgot where i was going with this I’m so emotional

42 responses »

silentlistener2510 on October 22, 2015 at 8:06 pm said:

Hi Loverly,

I’m sorry this time is hard for you. I hope you can stay safe during this time of year.

GEntle care to you and yours, Sl >

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
Andi on October 23, 2015 at 2:50 am said:

I’m so sorry. Thinking of you.

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- luverley on October 23, 2015 at 2:51 am said:
  
  Thanks. Xo
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
James on October 23, 2015 at 10:08 am said:

I am not thinking of you, but your post just pinged into my inbox so I thought I’d say hi. It’s been a while, lovely lady 🙂

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- luverley on October 23, 2015 at 4:48 pm said:
  
  Hi. It had been a long while
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 2:59 am said:
    
    Damn, 10 hours ago you said that. I’ve checked it since then.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 3:40 am said:
    
    Whatcha doin?
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 4:07 am said:
    
    Don’t you want to talk to me?
    
    LikeLike
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 4:48 am said:
    
    Oh sorry i missed this it was dinner bath time.
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 5:27 am said:
    
    Awww, bath time. Cute.
    
    LikeLike
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 5:58 am said:
    
    Right they are in bed. You probably are too. 😦
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 6:03 am said:
    
    I am, but I’m awake.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 6:12 am said:
    
    How are things over there
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 6:19 am said:
    
    Dark, lol.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 6:19 am said:
    
    But it’ll be getting light soon.
    
    LikeLike
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 6:21 am said:
    
    Shit have you not slept all night
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 6:23 am said:
    
    Yeah, but earlier. I was asleep by 5pm, lol. So I woke up about 2:30 🙂
    
    LikeLike
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 6:24 am said:
    
    Oh shit true. Have you been working or studying
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 6:26 am said:
    
    Studying. Who needs sleep anyway? 🙂
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 6:28 am said:
    
    Not me. What are you studying now
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 6:31 am said:
    
    Lol, I don’t know 😛 Tedium
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 6:34 am said:
    
    I got exam in psyc 106 November
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 6:38 am said:
    
    Oh? Are you ready yet?
    
    LikeLike
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 6:42 am said:
    
    Kinda. Still got 3 weeks study
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 6:45 am said:
    
    That’s alright then 🙂
    
    LikeLike
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 6:46 am said:
    
    Yeah. Fuck i hardly even went to lectures but already at 70% passing
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 6:53 am said:
    
    Fuck lectures 🙂
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 6:54 am said:
    
    Yeah its all online
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 7:08 am said:
    
    We basically pay fees for online content haha 🙂
    
    This is the first time I’ve ever spoken to you from England. Weird.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 7:15 am said:
    
    Really? Was the last time in France. I did think of you a few days ago. Well Bitch did
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 7:18 am said:
    
    Nah, I was in Spain the last time. Good old Bitch. She can get in contact whenever she wants obutler2609@outlook.com
    
    As can you.
    
    Who is this, anyway?
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 7:20 am said:
    
    Anna. Oh cool ill send you one
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 7:31 am said:
    
    Hi Anna. It’s been an especially long time since I spoke to you. The last times were all Brooke, Bitch and some drug-obsessed persona, can’t remember the name.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - luverley on October 25, 2015 at 2:49 am said:
    
    Blaze! Well nice of you to remember.
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 25, 2015 at 10:07 am said:
    
    Can I ask, do you feel like one individual amongst many, or do you feel like a collective being with many different facets?
    
    LikeLike
  - luverley on October 25, 2015 at 10:17 am said:
    
    One by myself
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 25, 2015 at 12:15 pm said:
    
    By yourself? How so?
    
    LikeLike
  - luverley on October 28, 2015 at 7:32 am said:
    
    Everyone leaves and i don’t dissociate
    
    LikeLike
  - James on October 24, 2015 at 6:31 am said:
    
    You?
    
    LikeLike
  - luverley on October 24, 2015 at 6:33 am said:
    
    Haha
    
    LikeLike
starkinsanity on October 23, 2015 at 11:59 am said:

I really hope your situation gets better soon, I’ve been there and it’s intolerable. Big safe hugs- the younger ones want to know if you’re safe. X

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- luverley on October 23, 2015 at 4:48 pm said:
  
  I am tonight Thank you. I got my real twins for the night. My husband let me have them. It’s very good distracting thing because some parts want to go to rituals and shit. . Bad time of year
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓