Struggling

I hate this i Totaly hate it.  Struggling everyday to stay present and grounded is soooo hard. I know that i switch but i don’t know what i do i can’t remember 100% for that time.  In the moment i have revelations of who it might be but then another switch and gone again.  Memory gone. I don’t know if anybody gets how fuckn distressing this is. Like nobody knows how to help me with these parts.  And If t does she ain’t fuckn telling me.  I Don’t think.  I decided to quit t because it’s too hard and I’m not getting any better or anything out of it except hurt and Confused. More pain more headaches more nothing.  I want answers i want solutions.  Not…. how does that make you feel?  She has to ask how can she show that she cares.  Like wtf you have to ask.  I’m the one here for help. I need help. i need help before i Totaly fuckn give up and nobody has a chance at living. I need help before i hurt someone i shouldn’t.  I need help before I completely go insane but there isn’t any.  Why did i bother? why have i kept bothering  to go when i know she doesn’t care?  I’m just another case fuckn headcase at that. Nobody gets how hard it is to have so many take time that i need. Everything is taken away from me.  My choices my rights by my own fuckn self. God just fuckn self combust would you.